Laying Down A Goal

A short time ago, I had a goal to finish all my Scandal fanfics in 2015. Now, I am abandoning that goal, laying it down. I lack the motivation, inspiration, and desire to devote the time and focus needed to achieve the goal.

I began writing Scandal fanfics out of a need to process and explore my thoughts, impressions, and mild obsession with Scandal and especially the angsty, passionate, tumultuous Olitz.  During those storied days of old at the genesis of Scandal, I googled Olitz and Scandal in search of a place “to work out my feels” and “fangirl” in between Thursdays. Fanblogs, articles, and the twitterati were chock full of folks with the same idea. A fandom was born. But I was at the Scandal cocktail party listening in on others’ conversations trying to find my own group to huddle with. I found none. In my real, face to face, life, none of my family and friends shared my level of passionate devotion to the show. They knew of it. Some watched it. Still others indulged me in discussions…a little. None sweated it as hard as I did. So I was out there compelled into the 1s and 0s alone. I tweeted alone. I read fanblogs and left comments alone. What’s the fun in having a guilty pleasure if you can’t share it?

It was at this point that I discovered fanfiction and specifically Scandal fanfiction.  I read and commented. I commented and read. Soon I decided to try my own hand at writing a story. I wasn’t invited to anyone’s party so I threw my own! It was all worth it. Words began to fall out of me and my writing transcended the show. It was more important to me than the actual show. The stories were rewarding, but the biggest motivator, what kept me writing, was the reviews from the readers. The readers became my muse in many ways. It was as if there was an unspoken covenant between us.

The experience of writing and connecting with readers through the reviews changed me. It gave me the need to extend my writing and create my own unique characters. During this process, my fanfiction writing has been on and off partly because I’m still that same Olitz fangirl looking for a group to huddle with at the cocktail party. Even though the characters are a Shonda Rhimes creation, those stories, even in their states of incompleteness, belong to me and to the readers. #chrysalisbroken

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