For some time now, I have been betwixt and between, desiring to abandon my current course for a new direction. The hunger for a new life mission and vision burned within me so keenly that I wanted and needed to make a change. With the support and encouragement of family and friends, I have resigned from my full time, stable job. Wow! If ever there was a time to stay the course at work, it would be now. Even as I breathe in the uncertainty and fear that lays heavy in the atmosphere, every cell within me from nucleus to cell wall has been screaming, “Leap”! The scream began as a whisper and then transformed into a rousing chorus of voices. I have ruled out a diagnosis of schizophrenia as the source of this chorus. These are the voices of “The Call.” In order for me to truly hear “The Call”, I believe it was necessary to be uncomfortable even in the most secure of environments. After many days of frustration, suffocation, and feeling that I was good for nothing, I began the process of questioning.
What constitutes success? What makes a life significant or meaningful? What do I want to do? What is God doing? What am I doing with my life? Am I too ambitious? These and many other questions spilled out, blurring the lines of my life and interfering with dinner, family time, minutes, hours, and days. Finally, my life partner, looked me square in the face and said, “Honey, go for broke, already! I’m here! I got you!”
I have gone for broke in a very big way. Now I am dizzy with the anxiety that this freedom has wrought. I am not scared since anxiety is my friend. I have a sort of anxiety-faith that has been my bosom friend for years. Now it is time to explore “The Call.” It will be all things reading, writing, and discerning for many months of Sundays.